Tony said...

best quotes of The Sopranos' tv show:

Bobby Baccalieri: "To the victor belongs the spoils."
Tony Soprano: "Why don't you get the fuck out of here before I shove your quotation book up your fat fucking ass."

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Hey, Sil. You remember your first blowjob?
Silvio Dante: Oh, yeah.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How long did it take for the guy to come?

Tony: Listen to me, this guy was a Russian green beret. He was in the ministry of the interior or something. He single-handedly killed 16 Chechen rebels. Be careful.
Paulie: All right.[hangs up]
Christopher: What did he say?
Paulie: He said the guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians, and he was an interior decorator.
Christopher: Interior decorator? His apartment looked like bleep.

Christopher: Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. There was no one there.

Corrado Erico 'Uncle Junior' Soprano: We go way back to when Moses wore short pants.

Tony: (to Dr Melfi) "Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this”.

Silvio (as Pacino): "Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."

"Christopher Moltisanti: I'm sorry T
Tony Soprano: Shut the f**k up and listen ta me. You're my nephew Christopher and I love you, and that's the only reason you're alive right now. If it were anybody else, anybody, they woulda had their f**kin' intervention right through the back o' their head."
Tony to Christopher after intervention.

"Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather ? He made them an offer they couldn't understand." - Uncle Junior

A.J. gets fired from Blockbuster, and Tony says "That's impossible--they got freakin' rhesus monkeys working as managers down there."

Tony: "You don't need a gynecologist to know which way the wind blows."

Christopher says to Silvio Dante (in real life, Little Stevie, from Bruce Springsteen's band) :
"The highways were jammed with broken heros on a last chance powerdrive." (Quoting Springsteen to Little Stevie - Priceless.)


Tony misquoting a common phrase: "Revenge is like serving cold cuts"

Corrado Soprano: "Those motherless fucks..."

Tony Soprano: I think it's time for you to start to seriously consider salads.
Bobby Baccalieri: What do you mean?
Tony Soprano: What do I mean?! I mean get off my car before you flip it over, you fat f**k.

Christopher Moltisanti: You ever think what a coincidence it is that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease?

Bobby Baccalieri: World really went downhill after the World Trade Center. You know, Quasimodo predicted all of this.
Tony Soprano: Who did what?
Bobby: All these problems, the middle east. The end o' the world.
Tony Soprano: Nostradamus. Quasimodo's the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Bobby: Oh, right. Notredamus.
Tony Soprano: Nostradamus and Notre Dame, that's two different things completely.
Bobby: It's interesting though they'd be so similar, isn't it? And I always thought, "OK, Hunchback of Notre Dame. You also got your quarterback and your halfback of Notre Dame". Tony Soprano: One's a f**king cathedral!

Paulie Walnuts: Amazing thing about snakes is that they reproduce spontaneously.
Tony Soprano: What do you mean?
Paulie Walnuts: They have both male and female sex organs. That's why somebody you don't trust you call a snake. How can you trust a guy who can literally go f**k themselves?
Tony Soprano: Don't you think that expression would've come from the Adam and Eve story? When the snake tempted Eve to bite the apple?
Paulie Walnuts: Hey, snakes were f**king themselves long before Adam and Eve showed up, T.

Tony Soprano: What is that?
Irina Peltsin: Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Tony Soprano: You should read Tomato Sauce for Your Ass. It's the Italian version.

Tony Soprano: The Pope doesn't even believe in Trojans and you want me to get snipped. Isn't that a little hypocritical?(...) Whatever's down here is God's creation. Isn't it a sin to undo the good work he's done?

Meadow Soprano: It wasn't my fault.
Tony Soprano: If I had a quarter for every time I heard that since you learned ta talk, I'd have a private jet on twenty four hour standby.

Carmela: What did you do? Tony: I don't know, I yelled. What the fuck else was I supposed to do?

Tony: There is an old italian saying: You fuck up once, you loose two teeh.

T: Soy milk this, tofu that.... I hate that shit!!

Tony: It's everything and everybody. I see some guy walking down the street, you know, with a clear head. You know the type. He's always fucking whistling like the happy fucking wanderer. I just want to go up to him and I just want to rip his throat open. I want to fucking grab him and pummel him right there for no reason.

When AJ is busted smoking dope: Carmela: What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation? A.J.: I don’t know. Tony Soprano: Enough with the "I don't knows!!!!"

Christopher: I forgot all about purgatory. Purgatory, a little detour on the way to paradise. How long you think we gotta stay there? Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins, multiply that number by 50, then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add them together, and that's your sentence. I figure i'm gonna have to do about 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven. And 6,000 years is nothing in eternity terms. I could do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

Tony: A rich man and a poor man got the same wedding anniversary and every year they meet on madison avenue when their shopping for their wives. So the poor man says to the rich man, "what'd you buy your wife this year?" He says, "I got her a huge diamond ring and a brand new mercedes." Poor man says, "what'd you get her both for?" Rich man says, "if she don't like the diamond ring she can bring it back in the mercedes and still be happy." Rich man says to the poor man, "what'd you get your wife this year?" He says, I got her a pair of slippers and dildo." Rich man says, "what'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo for?" And the poor man says, "she don't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

Tony: My future brother-in-law's causing a serious problem.(...)He's not satisfied with the current leadership. He wants to have me popped. So now I gotta decide what to do about him. Silvio Dante: I genuinely don't think there's anything to gain by keeping him around. T: Get it done.

Tony (to his Ma, Livia Soprano) There's two tickets, first class. Go to Tucson, stay with aunt gemma. Take aunt quinn with you, the other fucking miserab'. I've done my part, that's all you get from me. Livia: My sister quintina won't fly. Tony: So, throw her out on the fucking tarmac!

T: What the fuck happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. He did what he had to do.

Tony to Paulie: Doctors... it's always good news until it ain't.


Tony Soprano: I know what. They're born that way, right? It's not their fault. Frankly, I think they go about in pity for themselves.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think they see it as a fault.
Tony Soprano: In your circle, I'm sure you got all kinds of uh, gays, and uh, trans-whatevers of all stripes. But not where I come from.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You personally, how do you feel about homosexuality?
Tony Soprano: I find it disgusting. Men kissin' men, holdin' hands in the street.